I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize