I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
