Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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