never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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