At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
