I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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