Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
