I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
