Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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