i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
