Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize