it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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