I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
