He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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