so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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