Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
