Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
