i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
