dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I haven't been this sober since birth.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
