the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
