I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
