You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
