Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
