I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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