are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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