Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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