Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
