The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
