Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
