You work out of a Hotel?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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