i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
