You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
