I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
