Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize