Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
