According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
