I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
