Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
