I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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