I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
