How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
