I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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