The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
