I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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