I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just tell him i said nine months
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize