So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
