when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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