I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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