There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
