it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
