somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Houston, we have a squirter
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
