"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize