if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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