Define "chronic" masturbator.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize