Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
