Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
