I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
