my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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