ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize