is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
