At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
