Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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