I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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