In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
