do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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