Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
