She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
