I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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