Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
