My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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