That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I believe in your delicious
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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