meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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