She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
