My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
