the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
