when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
