I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
