Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
