My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize