You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
