Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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