I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
