I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
