he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
