your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
