It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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