dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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