She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize