woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
