yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
