hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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