I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
