I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
