Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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