he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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