Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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