i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
