Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
