We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
