Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
