Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
