it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Four minutes until I can fart!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
