I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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