Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Shame is for Republicans.
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