Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
