Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
