Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
