So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
