Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
