If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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