How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
