I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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