The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
