its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
