I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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