I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
