If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize