I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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