haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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