perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
